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NES - Games - U-Z - YO! Noid
Bible Adventures:
 Maker: Wisdom Tree
 Genre: Bane of the Sunday School Student
 Players: 1
 Release: 1990

 Gameplay: 3/10
 Graphics: 3/10
 Enjoyment: 1/10
 Difficulty: 4/10
 Overall: 2/10
    Lesser reviewers would use a lot of jokes about God throughout this review, but I always abstain from the cheap laughs!
    This series of games try to do what few other games would even attempt - to make the Bible utterly boring. The cartridge is divided up into three games - all cheap rip-offs of SMB2.
    NOAH'S ARK - We all know the story - the only righteous man in a sea of immorality is chosen by God to rescue his family and two of each animal (male and female) in an Ark before God sends a flood down to crush the sea of immorality (hah hah, the wit!). In "Noah's Ark," you play the role of Noah. Through each of the levels your task is to collect a varity of animals and stock them away safely in your ark. There are no real enemies to speak of. One aspect of the game that did disturb me was the way the game had the character assault animals with rocks, bales of hay and other assorted objects.
    SAVE BABY MOSES - This game is derived from the first few chapsters of Exodus, wherein the Pharoah orders a decree to kill all male Jewish children because he fears the rumors among the Jews that someone who will rescue them from their slavery in Egypt. In Bible Adventures Moses's mother has to face off against scary looking spiders and armed Egyptian guards. Wisdom Tree gets special points for inaccuracy by claiming that, "Baby Moses is doomed unless you can help his sister to evade the many dangers and guide her to the river. There she will put Moses into a little ark made of bulrushes and pitch." The Bible says clearly that it was Moses' mother who put him in the river, not his sister - she simply watched to make sure he was ok.
    DAVID AND GOLIATH - Before his defeat of Goliath of Gath, the future King David was merely a shepherd. This game is apparently divided into two parts. The first part is based on David's days a shepherd. You must run around and collect sheep for several levels - EVERY BIT AS EXCITING AS IT SOUNDS!!!!!! Then apparently you've gotta face off against Goliath, but I never got to that. Even I have limits to my masochism.
    In summation, everything you've heard about these games is true (unless you've heard good things about them, in which case it's all lies!) I now have faith in Wisdom Tree games - faith that, no matter what, they can take any interesting story - be it Biblical or otherwise - and turn it into a horrible videogame. My theory is that these games are going to be used in Hell. It only makes sense, see, because a). trying to complete all of these games would take an eternity and b). it is a torture unspeakable to play this crap for long periods of time. Now, if you will excuse me, I've got some praying to do!
NES - Games - U-Z - YO! Noid
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