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NES - Games - U-Z - YO! Noid
YO! Noid!:
 Maker: Capcom USA, Inc.
 Genre: Pizza-Selling Propoganda
 Players: One
 Release: 1990

 Gameplay: 7/10
 Graphics: 4/10
 Enjoyment: 5/10
 Difficulty: 6/10
 Overall: 5/10
    Back when I was just a itty-bitty little boy in ye olde days of 6th grade or thereabouts, I knew this chick whose dad worked at Domino's Pizza. She used to bring a board game to class that was made by Domino's Pizza. If I recall correctly, it was set up kind of like Monopoly. You controlled a little car and had to make your way to the customer's house "in 30 minutes or less!" If you don't believe me, look at the pic ye of little faith. This game was made in 1989.
    In 1990, Domino's propogandizing tentacles seeped away from the board game market into the video game market. They made a deal with Capcom to manufacture a videogame for the ever-popular Nintendo Entertainment system with their trademark character, The Noid (remember "Avoid the Noid"?). Now, one would hope that Capcom - who made, among many others, the highly enjoyable Mega Man series - could make this a good game. Oh how your hopes will be crushed!
    This game really sucks. It is a side-scroller, like Megaman, but unlike Megaman, the graphics suck and the story is insipid, involving "Mr. Green" (a Noid look-alike) and his animals, "assailing New York City." Only you, the Noid, can stop them! The "Mayer" of NYC says so! One can only dream of the day that "Mayer" becomes as popular as the "All Your Base.." trend.
    The gameplay is simplistic enough, but all you get to do is fling your Yo-Yo and jump. That's it. The game isn't challenging at all. At best, it's easy and at worst it's simply irritating, not difficult. The enemies suck and your yo-yo weapon is equally sucky.
    But this isn't the worst. Nay! The worst is the pizza-eating contest at the end of every other level (1, 3, 5, etc). I suppose it's an attempt to make the world overweight by eating fattening pizzas (to the profit of rich Domino's Pizza delivery boys the world over) since the goal is to out-eat your opponent. The opponents only differ in the colors of their (Noid-like) outfits. Each claim to be the "pizza eating champion," as if that's something to shoot for. All I know is that Loge could kick all of their asses.
    The pizza eating contests are by far the most irritating parts of the game. Basically it works like this. You and your opponent each have about 24 cards, most of which are numbered, from 1 to 5. Your character also gets a hot sauce card (for some reason called a "red pepper" in the game, a number of double-up cards which you collect in the worlds leading up to the level and some other card which I think is also a form of pepper. Your opponent, however, does not get any of these cards. Your opponent gets to choose first. Hypothetically, let's say your opponent sets down a 3. If you have a 4 or a 5, you can set it down and the game subtracts the numbers. In this case, if, say, you set down the 5, then the game would subtract 5 from 3 and give the person with the highest card value the remainder (in this case two) and you'd eat two pizzas. If you manage to out eat your opponent (or outlast him with keeping your cards and making him lose his) you win the round and get to move on to the next level. This means you must constantly be subtracing numbers to figure out how to play your cards right. It's reasons like this that I stick to Little Ceasar's.
NES - Games - U-Z - YO! Noid
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